If you parent adult children you know, at times, it can be a challenging task. It can be even more challenging if you are trying to raise your children from the same headspace you did when they were young. Raising and parenting grown-up children require a shift in your parenting style and your relationship. The parenting style used when your children were younger won’t be effective with the adults your children have become. As adults, their needs, desires, and aspirations have naturally evolved.
A change in your relationship can be a difficult transition for some people. Both parties need to navigate and identify new expectations and boundaries. Sometimes, people have resistance to changing the way it was. If this is you, you need to face your resistance and take action to adapt to the changing dynamics. Focus on the fact that this shift is in everyone’s best interest.
In this post, a handbook about creating nurturing relationships with adult children, we will provide tips and suggestions to help you create the relationship you want with your adult children. It will also help you update your parent-adult-child relationship to a whole new stage of relating. This is the beginning of a whole new way of relating with your grown children and can help you to improve aspects of parenting and create family harmony.
Preparation for the Shift as Your Children Become Adults
To help you with this transition process, if your kids are still living at home, here are a few words about dealing with the approaching empty nest.
As your children grow up and become adults, it’s natural to start thinking about leaving home and starting their own lives. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you anticipate this transition:
Acknowledge your feelings: It’s okay to feel sad, anxious, or even excited about the prospect of an empty nest. Take some time to reflect on your emotions and talk to your partner or a trusted friend about how you’re feeling.
Plan ahead: As your children prepare to leave home, start thinking about how you will fill your time and also stay connected with them. Consider taking up a new hobby, volunteering, traveling, etc. You may also want to plan regular phone calls or visits with your adult children.
The Changing Parenting Role:
Keep in mind the dynamic nature of your relationship when parenting adult children. Recognize that your child is no longer a dependent. Also that they your adult children are an aspect of yourself. Saying that they no longer need to focus on you for their survival. It is like a bird being kicked out of the nest to fend for themselves.
They have been transitioning into an independent adult for some time, right in front of you. They will have different needs and expectations. Keep reminding yourself that your children are no longer children. They are also adults out in the world discovering where they belong. They are doing this like you did when you were their age. How would you have felt if your parents didn’t give you space to grow up?
Adjusting how you see your parental roles as your child develops is crucial to nurturing a healthy, grown-up relationship with your adult child. This means recognizing that your child is now an equal partner in the relationship. As such, you must respect and support their autonomy and independence. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly and to establish clear boundaries and expectations that work for both parties. By doing so, you can create a supportive relationship that will last for years to come.
Something that can help you on this journey is practicing “Mindfulness” which can help you in many ways. Check out our post: The Power of Mindfulness: How to Age Gracefully And Cultivate Inner Peace, which you can find HERE
The Changing Role as you Parent Adult Children
Changing your role as a parent can be a difficult transition for both you and your adult child. It is a vital transition so that you can create a nurturing healthy grown-up relationship and support your child’s maturation process.
One of the biggest challenges in this transition is that you and your children must change how you interact. For your children, they will need to adapt to seeing you as another adult. For you, you will have to find the right balance between guidance and independence. You want to be there to offer support and advice when your child needs it. At the same time, you also want to respect their autonomy and allow them to make their own decisions and grow as an independent person. This can be especially tricky when your child is facing a difficult situation or decision. It is important to remember that ultimately, it is their life and their choice and they are in charge of their destiny. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give them is letting them make mistakes and let them learn from their mistakes.
You must adapt your roles from being a caregiver and decision-maker to becoming a mentor and advisor. This shift allows and supports your adult children to develop their own identities. It also helps them to make independent choices, and take ownership of their lives. Making this happen requires a shift in the way you approach your relationship. It will also require a willingness to adapt and grow as a parent.
Changing Your Communication with Your Adult Child
A key aspect of your changing parental role is to emphasize communication and mutual respect. As your child becomes an adult, it is important to treat them as such and to listen to their thoughts and opinions with an open mind. It’s also important to treat them with the respect you would treat other adults in your life.
As with everybody you’re dealing with, this doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say or do. It does mean that you should strive to understand their perspective and communicate your thoughts and feelings, as he would do with other adults. It’s also important to do this respectfully. Remember, your job is to be a mentor, not a controlling parent, and also to listen. I can’t stress this enough-instead of seeing your kids as the children they were; it is time to fully see them as fellow adults.
Overall, changing parental roles can be a challenging but rewarding experience. By shifting from caretaker to mentor, balancing guidance and independence, and emphasizing communication and mutual respect, you can help nurture a healthy and fulfilling grown-up relationship with your adult child. You get to shift from being a parent to being a friend, something that can be invaluable.
Parenting Adult Children
Parenting adult children can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Here are some tips to help you navigate this new phase of your relationship:
Navigating Your Role As Advisor And Friend
As we shared, as your children become adults, your role as a parent shifts from being an authority figure to being a trusted advisor and friend. You can offer advice and guidance, but ultimately, your children are responsible for their own decisions. It’s important to be there for them when they need you, but also to respect their independence.
Providing Support Without Being Intrusive
It’s natural to want to help your adult children when they are going through a difficult time. However, it’s important to provide support without being intrusive. You should offer your help but also respect their boundaries. It’s important to allow them to make their own decisions, even if you don’t agree with them. Remember, they are adults now and need to learn to navigate life on their own. If you keep rescuing them, they will never learn. Remember how you learned and changed due to some of your hardest life lessons.
Establishing Boundaries and Respecting Autonomy
Establishing boundaries is essential when parenting adult children. You must respect their autonomy and allow them to make their own decisions. At the same time, you need to set clear boundaries. Setting clear boundaries will help to ensure that your relationship remains healthy and respectful. This can be challenging, but it’s important to find a balance that works for both you and your adult children. In summary, parenting adult children require a shift in mindset. You need to transition from being an authority figure to being a trusted advisor and friend. You should provide support without being intrusive and establish clear boundaries while respecting their autonomy. With patience and understanding, you can build a strong and healthy relationship with your adult children.
The Possibility and Dangers of Enmeshment
Enmeshment is a term used to describe a relationship where boundaries between individuals are blurred. This is one of the dangers of not setting clear boundaries. In an enmeshed relationship or family system, one person’s emotions and thoughts become entangled with another’s. Enmeshment can be particularly dangerous when it comes to parent-child relationships; this is especially important when it comes to adult children. Enmeshment can be a direct result of you not changing your parenting role.
Identifying signs of enmeshment can be difficult, but some common indicators include:
- feeling responsible for your child’s emotions and well-being
- Difficulty setting boundaries with your child
- Sacrificing your own needs and wants for your child
- Feeling guilty or anxious when you don’t meet your child’s expectations
- Feeling threatened or rejected when your child sets boundaries or becomes independent
The consequences of enmeshment can be severe for both you and your children. For you, enmeshment can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. It can also negatively affect your primary relationship. For the child, enmeshment can impede their ability to develop healthy boundaries, form healthy relationships, mature properly, and become independent.
Tips for Avoiding Enmeshment
Nurturing healthy boundaries and individuality is the main key to avoiding enmeshment. Encourage your child to express their thoughts and feelings, even if they differ from your own. Allow them to make their own decisions. Remember that you don’t have to agree with them, nor them with you. Know that they’re going to make mistakes and that they can learn and grow from them. Most importantly, respect their boundaries and encourage them to respect yours.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and individuality. By nurturing these qualities, you can help your adult child grow into a confident, independent, and fulfilled individual.
Facing Your Resistance and Encouraging Independence in this Transition
As your children grow up, it can be difficult to let go and allow them to make their own decisions. You may find resistance within yourself to let go of your old role. You must address this and support your kids in becoming adults. Remember that promoting self-reliance and decision-making in your children is an important part of nurturing grown-up relationships.
If you are having trouble letting go, it’s time to go within. Start asking yourself questions like:
- Am I afraid to let my children grow up?
- Why am I afraid to let my children grow up?
- Am I holding onto my children because I’m afraid to let go?
- Am I afraid to start my own life?
- What is stopping me from focusing on myself and what I want from life?
If you are stuck or having trouble in this process, you can benefit by getting expert guidance or help. Sometimes the hardest person we have to look at is ourselves. This is a very important step as you are influencing more than just yourself, and it can also help your mental health. 🙂 🙂 .
For more information on Parenting Adult Children, there are 10 great tips in this post “Parents: 10 Steps to Connect With Your Adult Child” which you can find HERE
Encouraging Independence with Empathy and Love
I can’t say this enough but the best way to encourage independence is to allow room for mistakes. It’s natural for young adults to make mistakes and learn from them. You must try not to be too critical or overprotective. Instead, helpfully offer guidance and support as they navigate new experiences. Sometimes, you have to bite your tongue and just let them make mistakes.
Another important aspect of letting go is being a supportive safety net. Your adult children should know that they can come to you for help and advice. At the same time, they need to feel empowered to make their own decisions. By being a safety net rather than a controlling force or a rescuer, you can help foster a healthy and respectful relationship with your grown-up children.
Remember, letting go doesn’t mean you’re abandoning your children. It simply means that you’re allowing them to grow and develop into independent adults. This is part of their development process. By promoting self-reliance and decision-making, allowing room for mistakes and growth, and being a supportive safety net, you can help your adult children thrive in their new roles as independent individuals.
It’s Time to Focus on You (and Your Spouse)
As your parenting role changes you also need to change your priorities and focus on your own needs and desires. This can include following your dreams and creating an empowering life for yourself. This means shifting your parenting role from being the dominant force to the main focus of your life. As your children are now adults and taking care of themselves, you need to do the same. You have to change the nature of the relationship in your mind and accept the fact that they are now mature adults. It’s now time to fully prioritize yourself and your primary relationship if you have one.
Rediscovering Your Own Identity
One way to change your focus to a healthier adult-adult relationship is to embrace your newfound free time. Now that your children are grown, you will have more time to pursue hobbies or activities you enjoy. You could even go out and start your own business etc., from what you learned as a parent. This change in focus to self-exploration can help you rediscover who you are outside parenting. It will also help you to change your mindset from focusing on your kids to focusing on yourself. This shift alone can help you to find peace of mind.
Connecting with Your Partner
Another way to rediscover your parental identity is to reconnect with your partner and nurture your relationship. When your children were young, much of your focus was likely on them. Now that they’re adults, you can shift some of that focus back to your relationship with your partner. Spend time together, go on dates, and find ways to strengthen your bond.
Pursuing Self-Care and Personal Growth
It is important for you to pursue your personal growth and self-care. As a parent, it’s easy to put your own needs last. However, taking care of yourself is essential for your well-being. Personal growth can help you be a better parent to your adult children. You can try meditation, go to therapy, or simply taking a few minutes each day to do something that makes you happy.
Overall, rediscovering your identity is a part of parenting adult children. By embracing newfound free time and personal interests, reconnecting with your partner, and pursuing personal growth and self-care, you can find new purpose and meaning in your role as a parent.
Bonus Section: The Joy of Being a Grandparent (for those who have or may have grandchildren)
Something to look forward to is the prospect of your children having children. As a grandparent, you have a unique opportunity to celebrate the next chapter in your parenting journey. You get to watch your adult children become parents themselves and witness the love and care they give to their children. This can bring a sense of pride and joy that is hard to replicate in any other relationship.
As a grandparent, you are no longer the primary caregiver or decision-maker for your grandchildren. Instead, you are there to offer support, guidance, and love. You get to be the fun grandparent who spoils their grandkids with treats and toys. You are also the one who listens and offers advice when needed.
Building Meaningful Connections with Your Grandchildren
Building meaningful connections with your grandchildren is key to fostering a great relationship. Learn about their interests and hobbies, and find ways to engage with them on those topics. Whether it’s playing a game, reading a book, or going on an adventure, spending quality time together will create lasting memories for both you and your grandkids.
Remember that being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right. Respect your adult children’s parenting decisions and boundaries, and always ask before offering unsolicited advice. By being a supportive and loving grandparent, you can create a positive and fulfilling relationship with your grandchildren that will last a lifetime.
Closing Thoughts
Parenting adult children can be a challenging and rewarding experience. As your children grow older and progress into adulthood, it’s important to embrace this powerful change and the opportunity it gives you to grow as both a parent and as a person. You must learn to let go of control and trust your grown kids to make their own decisions. This can be difficult, but it’s essential for nurturing grown-up relationships.
Emphasizing the importance of a balanced and fulfilling life is also crucial when parenting adult children. Encourage your children to pursue their passions and hobbies, and make sure they prioritize self-care. As a parent, you can lead by example and show them the benefits of living a balanced life.
Focus On Continual Learning And Evolving.
Continuously learning and evolving as a parent is essential to parenting adult children. Keep an open mind and be willing to learn from your children. They have unique perspectives and experiences that can teach you a lot. Remember to seek advice from other parents or professionals if you need it.
Remember, parenting adult children is a journey. As your children grow and change, so will your relationship with them. Keep communication open, be supportive, respect their privacy and always show your love and appreciation for them. With patience, understanding, and a little bit of effort, you can build strong and nurturing grown-up relationships with your adult children.